9:10: Finally find a seat. It's way in the back, outside the tent. One weasel in front of me is sitting in the middle of a sea of empty seats that he has saved using event programs. He is spending most of his time frantically defending his claim from interlopers.
9:35: Everyone is milling about, talking. Band sound check. Utter confusion. They have unwisely chosen the Star Spangle Banner for their sound check. Most don't notice and continue talking and milling about. Some people stand. What's going on? Guy in front tentatively starts to put his hand over his heart. Realizes he looks foolish. Starts to put it down. Realizes he looks unpatriotic. This is a rehearsal, does it count???
9:40: Notice a gift bag on the second chair next to me. Has the name "Nick" written on the card on top. Consider crossing it out and writing "Rachael" on it. Decide it's too risky.
9:45: Now another guy in front of me. Overweight, stuffed into a jogging suit. This balloon is blocking my view. Constantly eating. Points over at another tent, says: "There's more food over there, hey". Chips fall from his mouth. Is he with anyone? Does he even know anyone here?
9:50: Lady saves the seat next to me with a mini backpack, then leaves. Should this be considered a "suspicious package"? Tempted to ask for an evacuation. May get better seat.
9:53: Another guy knocks into me as he goes to throw his leftovers in the trash. Think I wrote on his jacket with my pen. Feeling better.
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| Actual Size Head (Un-retouched) |
Another woman comes along and leans against the pole in front of her. Blocks her view.
Justice.
I decide they are both my enemy.
10:05: Take Sam to the restroom. Glimpse myself in the mirror on the way in. Ugh. Look thirty years older than I feel. Must be the lighting.
10:10: Trying to find Jake, who's holding my seat. Crowd is bigger and noisier than when I left. See pending signs of an unruly mob.
10:20: Guy behind me talking to another guy about his upcoming plans. Apparently he's "deep into Radio Shack".
10:23: Balloon Man is back. Pacing. Eating. Now he's leaning against a tent pole. Doesn't look good. Move away from the tent.
10:32: I guess starting at 10:30 sharp means something different here. Crowded. Noisy. Decide I hate people. Actually, I already knew that. Decide I was right. Give myself a mental pat on the back for my excellent judgement.
10:33: Overweight girl in clingy dress walks by. This muggy weather is not being kind to any of us.
10:34: Ceremony starts. Band plays.
10:45: Hundreds of kids are marching to the tent. Endless. Are these kids looping around or what?
10:54: Last of the kids are marching in. Band is obviously getting tired. A tuba and flute seem to be carrying the day.
10:55: Lady spots me eyeing the "Nick" bag. Moves it.
10:56: Overweight girl sits in chair next to me. Feel uncomfortable. Move my chair over six inches. Doesn't help. Still feel uncomfortable.
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| My View of the Festivities |
P.S. I would like to congratulate Rachael for having spent the last four years earning a blank piece of paper in a beautiful diploma cover. It will look lovely framed and hanging on our wall.
4 comments:
this is ABSOLUTELY hilarious and a COMPLETELY accurate depiction of the majority of emotions felt bahaha.
Thanks. And may I congratulate you, first of all for being my first ever "comment" and secondly, for your excellent taste.
My sister graduated from the school last year, so I totally relate to your play-by-play. It's a really oddly run commencement, where there's no space for anyone. They should really limit the number of family allowed to attend.
My experience was even worse because my mother, who is partially deaf, INSISTED on sitting in the "deaf/hard of hearing" section, so I had to feel like a jerk taking up a seat when I can hear fine. ...And it gives you a new appreciation for the poor sign language interpreter who has to spell out the graduates' insane hard-to-spell names.
Never considered those poor interpreters, not only for the names but also for the inane speeches.
I was so far back, it put me about fifty feet in front of a wall that had a huge monitor mounted on it. A group of interpreters sat below this giant screen.
What brought it to my attention was the fact that this monitor was broadcasting a "live" local feed of the ceremony. And by "live" I mean with a two second delay. Combined with the speakers in front of me, the result was some weird vertigo effect that further enhanced the pleasure of each of the speeches.
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