Pandora's Box

I hate when this rolls around. It used to be every November, and before that, twice a year. But it's been two years since we last had to go.I feel like having the break should somehow make it more tolerable, but it doesn't. It opens up the box of awful emotions that I struggle keep a lid on the rest of the year. Up until a day or two before going through it, I convince myself that it's only a formality, but as it gets closer, I think "What if it's not?"

I remember all too well how an ordinary day can instantly spin into a nightmare. And I remember how a life can be hanging by a thread as I go about my life, completely unaware. When this comes around, I feel it like it was yesterday.


I will pretend that everything is fine so that he won't worry. And I will be holding my breath until the follow-up, when I can hopefully exhale. 


Just like every other time.