Wedding Daze

I’m in a bind. I went to a wedding this past weekend and I was fully prepared to have an awful time. One of my nieces, I forget which one, was getting married on Saturday afternoon. I knew this was not going to be one of my favorite things. Nothing against anyone, but putting me into a large group of people, plus having to get dressed up, plus an overnight at a hotel to boot, well, as Sam used to say, “It’s not my favorite.”

But I figured if nothing else, at least it would give me something to write about. After all, my audience knows that I do my “best” writing when I’m complaining about something. And by "my audience", I mean me.

So Saturday comes and we arrived at the hotel. We got checked in, settled in the room, and after 15 seconds, flicked on the TV. As luck would have it (Sam’s luck, that is), Looney Toons was playing. Time to run out the clock by watching cartoons. The only thing left to do was to find the snack bar. And there would be plenty of time for that. Plenty of time.

A good beginning.

Unfortunately everything that followed was a total letdown.

It began when many of us decided to walk a few city blocks to where the service and reception were going to be held. "Great!", I thought. Nothing like some grimy, trash strewn streets discretely sprinkled with the occasional prostitute and drug dealer to give my blog some pizzazz! Sad to say though, I found the city to be lovely. Things were clean, the architecture was interesting, no one was threatening me or hitting me up for spare change- not even my own family. What gives? This wasn’t giving me the material I had hoped for. Trouble loomed.

Back at the hotel, we got “refreshed” and dressed then headed out again. When we got back to the venue, we were too early. They wouldn’t let us in. Good. Maybe we would bake in the heat along with the slowly growing crowd. Under the best of conditions, blistering heat combined with an expanding crowd can easily turn reasonable people into a restless and angry mob. Stuff those same people into formal attire and the possibilities really open up. Unfortunately, the breeze picked up and I was deflated. People seemed to be happy. Things were not going my way.

Still, there was hope. My sister-in-law, Denise, had suffered a broken ankle a couple of weeks earlier and was confined to a wheelchair. This was promising. "Sister-In-Law In Wheelchair + Hilly City Streets + Brother Losing Grip On Wheelchair = Hilarious Entertainment!" Just give it some time, I thought. Just give it time... But then, my brother shows up... alone! What was going on? Where was Denise? Did I already miss the action? I never heard any screaming!  Sure, he was smiling, but he had been smiling the whole time we were there. Turns out that, no, somehow Denise had already made it into the building! As another blow, the doors opened soon enough and we, along with the rest of the crowd, were let into the building before any trouble was given a fair chance to explode. Strike two (or was it three? I was losing count.)

On and on and on it went. No long waiting to sit down. No God Awful boring service. No one threw up from the meal. Everyone still seemed happy! What was going on???

The bride, whoever she was, looked lovely. I watched as my brother danced with her and he not only looked better than usual, someone other than myself might even say he was glowing.

Like I said, one letdown after another.

As the night dragged on and people insisted on continuing their good time, I about had my fill. It was clear that this happy, fairly good looking crowd (some of whom I think I'm related to) was not going to provide me with the fodder I was looking for. Where were the drunks? Where were the angry fights that only break out at weddings when drunken couples let their festering resentment over years of disappointment with each other erupt when ignited by the newlyweds' hope and happiness? Where were the people making fools of themselves and embarrassing their spouses by falling on the tables and singing loudly? And where were the drunks? As a wise man once said, Enough is enough.

It was time for me to leave.

It was getting late anyway and it was clear that nothing was going to go down hill. It was past Sam’s bedtime and it was way past my bedtime. So as 9:30 rolled around, I decided to head back to the hotel with Sam where we could, and did, watch cartoons while we munched on snacks from the newly discovered snack bar.

While Sam watched TV, I thought back on the day. I lay there wondering what went wrong. How did this happen? How did I end up having a pretty good time? It was frustrating. The problem was, this was giving me NOTHING to write about. Sometimes, life can be so unfair.

Fortunately, I'm optimist. It hit me as I was lying in bed, “Even though I'll never let one of my daughters get married, I’m pretty sure I have other nieces! If that's true", I thought,  "Maybe one of them will get married someday. Then, assuming I get invited, I’ll finally have something to complain about... And actually, if I don't get invited, I'll also have something to complain about. It's a win-win!" I guess the weekend held promise after all.

Hot Lunch

This is the second day in a row that I forgot and left my lunch (1 banana), in my 95 degree+ car.

Yummy!

Gate Number One

Security is their top priority

For Father's Day

Just a Comment

There are the moments that seem come out of nowhere when I really miss my Dad.

Random Thoughts

Today was such a great day. We celebrated Helaina's graduation and I got to see her for a few minutes. She seemed pretty happy.

I also got to spend it with all of my kids... something that happens less and less as the tide goes out.

I was so proud of Sam and how well he did. And how well everyone treated him. Thanks especially to Jake and to Chris.

Tomorrow I bring Rachael Back to Stockbridge. It's hard to believe I picked her up only a week ago. In some ways, it seems so long ago- we got a lot done in a week. But it has gone by way too quick. I'm going to miss her.

I am glad I can look forward to going back and forth to work with Jake. Every morning and afternoon, I've been trying to drink it in so it will last. Even the quiet moments. I know it will end too soon.

Walking Through Paradise

Today's Friday and you know what that means... that's right! Another lunchtime walk along the bike path! Sit back and enjoy some breathtaking photos of my stroll through Wonderland!

This was supposed to be a photo of the Bike Path sign to give you the flavor of our journey together. Not sure why it's so dark... or where the sign is. I'll try again another time..

This was unusual. Someone had stuck all sorts of knitted items into the fence. There's a cute little knitted stuffed animal sitting on the top that I was going to take, but then I thought, "What if this is some kind of memorial for some little kid?" It didn't really make any sense, but it made me feel guilty enough that I left it there.

I also left it there because someone came along and was looking at me suspiciously. Here's a photo taken as I casually walked away.

I had unknowingly taken this photo of the actual bike path itself! Not sure how I managed to snap this one, but boy am I glad I did!

And another photo I didn't know I had taken- this time of the lovely foliage along the path. Someday I'll get the hang of this camera!

A little ways down the path I found graffiti by some young wannabe. This guy needs a lot more practice. Even I can draw a better bat-signal than that! Keep at it junior.

This is a little more like it! Finally, some of the quality graffiti that I expect of our young artisians. It's nice to see at least some of our youth not wasting their time playing video games!

Here's another lovely view of the bike path that I again managed to take without my own knowledge.

You are probably asking yourself, Why would a person in peak physical condition such as yourself be wasting your time going for a walk? Excellent question. Why? Because today is the day I pick up comic books for Jake and Sam, that's why. Need proof? Here's photographic evidence of the bag swinging by as I inadvertently snap another photo!

Not only is the bike path lined with a lovely chain link fence on one side, but on the other side, above the graffiti ridden trailers, are high voltage lines! Each and every pole has the same stark warning showing some poor S.O.B. getting zapped in the throat.

Well, time to head back! Hope you enjoyed the exciting journey as much as I did!
I would have posted more photos but the other ones didn't come out as well as these did. Not to worry. There's always next week!

Today's Questions

Are squirrels native to America or were they brought over by the White Man?

If they're native to America, how come you never hear any stories about them in Indian folklore?

If they were brought over by the White Man, what was the point? Was it another scheme to steal the Indian's land by using these disease infested, seed stealing rodents?

And by the way, is it ok to still be using the term "Indians"? (If not, please accept my apologies)

To My Loyal Follower(s)

So, it seems that many of you have been wondering why I haven’t posted lately. “Rick,” you say, “What’s going on? How can we continue to live our pathetic lives vicariously through you if you don’t keep us updated? How can you expect us to make it through our hollow, empty and, yes, shallow existence if we aren’t being distracted by the excitement that only someone like yourself can experience? Don't we deserve at least a morsel of news in order to continue on with our pitiful existence?”

All good questions.

Judging from your insight, you have at least a minuscule amount of intelligence, otherwise why ask such probing questions? Here’s my dilemma: I could answer your requests; satisfy your seemingly insatiable need to hear about my exciting lifestyle and regale you with all the wonderful adventures as you ask. But if I do so, it would be with the knowledge that I continue to draw the sharp contrasts between the life I lead; a life you couldn’t even begin to hope for, versus the pathetic harsh reality you call your lives.

What to do? It is a question that weighs heavily on me. But after giving it close to several anguished minutes of thought, I have decided that rather than immediately get into the glorious details of my recent adventures, which would only serve to make you feel worse than you already deservedly do, I will instead comfort you by sharing with you this little secret: My life is not all glamour.

True, I travel extensively- mostly to grocery stores and flea markets. And yes, I live like a king. But my life also carries with it the burden of leaning against the very pedestal you continually try to put me on; a pedestal that must seem all the higher to you because of the hole you find yourself standing in. Much like you, it is more than one person should have to deal with. Fortunately, it doesn’t bother me all that much.

And because it doesn’t bother me, I will continue, without a second thought, to update this blog as my busy schedule allows. And when following my future posts, you can take comfort in the knowledge that we are not all that different... except for the meaningful stuff.

So until the next time, carry on as best you can, and remember, much like some benevolent god, I will always be looking down on you.

What Does It All Mean?

Last night I dreamt that Robert Downey Jr. was cleaning my garage. Even more puzzling was the fact that he couldn't seem to get my lawn mower started. All I remember thinking is, "This guy's supposed to be Iron Man? Give me a break."

He did a pretty decent job on the garage though.