I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to the young woman who's car I nearly ran into the other day. After giving it a lot of thought, I have come to understand that it was I who was clearly in the wrong and it was you, Chunk Style, that was the innocent victim in the near mishap.
I realize now that it was foolish of me to expect you to stop your car as you pulled out of the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and onto the road. You were absorbed in a new relationship and I failed to appreciate it. I should have been more sensitive to the fact that you were in love;
that rare, donut kind of love that judging from the size of your face,
only occurs several times a day.
No wonder you looked at me in anger, your gaping pie hole spewing what I can only guess were well deserved obscenities at me as I swerved to avoid you. I regret glaring back at you in anger as I jerked my car to the side of the road, only to see you peel away in the opposite direction. I hope you didn't spill any of that scalding coffee on your presumably ample lap.
I was completely in error. I must have been shaken by nearly running my shopping cart, only moments earlier, into Angry Looking Hardware Store Girl who darted out of one of the isles while I was grocery shopping. Perhaps it was the remarkable similarities of the experience that threw me. Unfortunately, you, in your bloated innocence, were the one who almost paid the price for my error in judgement.
Instead, thinking only of myself, I interfered in your honey glazed, double-dipped, jowl sustaining donut enjoyment. I should have been more sensitive to your needs.
Please forgive me for being so self-absorbed.
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