When the girls were born, I never had a preference between a boy or a girl. I didn’t even think about it. And after they were born, I still didn’t think about it. I wouldn’t have related to them any differently had they been boys. I talked to them, played with them, cared for them as my kids- boy or girl, it didn’t matter to me. The same is true today.
Even though I never thought about it one way or another with the girls, the idea of now caring for a little boy made me wonder if I could do right by him. Among other things, I never did what I considered to be typical “boy stuff”. I didn't know anything about sports (and still don’t). Nobody would ever have described me as “rough and tumble”. I wondered if I had anything to offer.
All of this went out the window as I sat in the cold operating room. When the doctors lifted Jake above the tent’s horizon, I could see Jake laying back, his right leg extended at a ninety degree angle pointing at the ceiling. It looked like he had just kicked a ball or was caught in mid-step. And then, just as they had done with both Helaina and Rachael, the doctor handed him to me, and that was it. The doubts and concerns didn’t just vanish, it’s like they were never even there.
Maybe Jake was just reinforcing something I knew all along.
There are a ton of things I could say to give you an idea of the kind of person that Jake is. but for now, I'll only mention three. Each are from years ago, but to me, they speak to the core of who he was then, and who he is today.
First off is this great picture Jake drew when he was little. Jake's favorite stuffed animal, by far, was his Goodnight Moon Bunny. It was his constant companion both day and night. He was about seven or eight years old when he drew this picture and to me, this is Jake in a nutshell...
It has the tenderness and love of his Goodnight Moon Bunny combined with the added awesomeness of a ninja wearing a Superman cape. Words cannot do it justice.
That, by itself, should be enough, but below is a photo taken many years later. The occasion was the family’s annual Christmas get-together at Grandma’s house. Back then, after visiting and opening presents, it wasn’t unusual to go outside for a walk or to play in the snow. On this particular day, there was a good blanket of snow, just right for throwing snowballs and sledding, which is just what Jake and the others were doing- until Sam came out.
Sam wanted to be a part of things, but not only was he a good bit younger than most of the others, Sam wasn’t adept at navigating the snow. Whether this was due to his age or to his balance issues, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Jake stopped what he was doing and helped his struggling little brother. Jake could have ignored Sam, or he could have felt put out over helping him, but if he felt that way, you never would have known it.
Jake’s been there to help Sam for all of Sam’s life. Often, it’s been by example. And while I know it's has been frustrating for Jake at times, he has never treated Sam like he was a burden.
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The last thing I’ll mention, is a story that takes place somewhere between the other two- when Jake was a little over eight years old.
My dad died unexpectedly while he was away on vacation with Mom. I got the news at work, early on a Tuesday morning. I left work and, along with my siblings, went to get Mom. I didn’t arrive back at home until after dark that night. Up to that point, it had been one of the longest days of my life.
With the kids all tucked in, I went and sat down on the edge of my bed- and I couldn't hold in all of the day's emotion any longer. I sat there and completely broke down, sobbing. After a few minutes, Jake appeared from the darkness of his bedroom, wearing his little pj’s, and without saying a word, he climbed up on the edge of my bed, sat next to me- and he proceeded to rub my back.
Jake and I sat there together in silence for- I’m not sure how long- but it was long enough for me to slowly regain my composure. Finally, I hugged Jake, and I put my hand on his shoulder as we returned to the darkness his bedroom. I tucked him in, and then I sat on the edge of his bed- and I rubbed his back.
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As with all of my kids, it's been fun watching Jake's interests and talents develop over the years. But it's been especially gratifying to see that the really important things, which have always been a part of him, are still with him today.
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