Speed Shopping

Due to the ongoing pandemic, Sam and I no longer make our approximately thirty-five visits per week to various grocery stores in the area. Rather, we've reduced our visits down to one visit, to one grocery store, approximately once every week or so. 

The one grocery store we still regularly visit is one of those bulk-type stores (we like to do things in bulk). We've been stalling on the visits to the regular, usually non-frustrating grocery store (as opposed to the other, usually frustrating but still nostalgic, grocery store) mostly because in these still-in-a-pandemic-despite-what-some-people-say times, we don't want to have to go to multiple places if we really don't need to - especially to a store like the usually non-frustrating grocery store, where the aisles are much narrower.

For the most part this has been working out pretty well. The one problem we’ve run into is that the bulk store doesn’t carry everything we need (i.e.: “want”). For example, Sam uses a particular type of toothpaste that I can only get at the regular, usually non-frustrating grocery store. He also likes a particular type of canned fruit I can only find there. And I can't can't find regular, non-instant, non-single serving oatmeal at the bulk store. And, maybe most importantly, the bulk store doesn't carry the kind of pot scrubbers I like. (I fully recognize this is a sad commentary on the state of my life.) I could go on but you get the idea.

Over the last few months, these items, as well as everything else we couldn't get at the bulk store, have been going on a separate list. Over the last few months, the list has grown to be pretty long.

So, for the first time in over five months, Sam and I headed over to the usually non-frustrating grocery store. As we do with our trips to the bulk store, we headed out early to avoid the crowds. This, presumably, was smart.

When we arrived, the parking lot was pretty empty - but those few customers that were heading into the store had the distinct aura of frantic desperation - nearly running from their cars to the entrance, side-eyeing other approaching customers as a threat, grabbing at carriages, etc. Even now, I'm not sure what the big deal was. Maybe it's been like that for the last five months.

Anyway, once inside, the store seemed relatively empty (of customers, that is). Only those few frantic individuals were in our immediate vicinity. 

Thankfully, none of the merchandise had been rearranged. Everything we could find was where we expected to find it. The only discernible difference from our last visit months ago was that at the end of each aisle, there were now "one way" stickers on the floor. This was good news. This meant that our trip should be brief and efficient.

Except...

Down in the next-to-the-last aisle, there’s this one guy, this one mask-less guy (did I mention there's a sign outside of the store, as well as several throughout, telling customers to wear masks?), wandering aimlessly down the aisle - the wrong way. 

Not only does this guy have no mask on and not only is he the only one in this narrow aisle going the wrong way, but Mr. Rules-Don’t-Apply-to-Me is now using the sure-to-piss-me-off shopping technique (even in non-pandemic times) of barely inching along, drifting from side-to-side, randomly stopping with his cart at odd angles, and then standing next to his cart as he slowly picks up and examines each and every item on the opposite side of the aisle - thus blocking the entire aisle as he evaluates the worthiness of each potential purchases. 

“Let’s see… Do I want the eight and a half inch paper plates... or do I want the eleven inch paper plates? Maybe it would help if I spend the next few minutes picking up one package of eight and a half inch paper plates, study it for a while, then put it back on the shelf - and then pick up a pack of the eleven inch paper plates, study it for a while- and then put it back on the shelf. Then maybe I'll think for a few more minutes --- and then I'll pick up the pack of eight and a half inch paper plates again and study it for awhile...And maybe I should keep doing this...because. I’m. Just. Not. Sure.” Geez buddy. What is the big dilemma here? They're a buck sixty-nine for a package. For God’s sake, just buy one of each!

To make matters worse, once Sam and I - and the line of people behind us - finally got by this guy, we immediately ran into him again in the next aisle - still mask-less (of course), still slowly drifting side to side, like a pinball rolling in slow motion, still going the wrong way, and ultimately, still blocking our way.

But finally, FINALLY, we made it to the cashier where we were eventually able to check out.

It’s times like this that make me glad we’ve cut back from our weekly thirty-five or so visits to the grocery store. But we did pretty well purchase-wise. We got most of the things on our list, plus, for better or worse, a few things that weren't on the list. And most importantly, I got my pot scrubbers (even though they weren't on sale).