Looking Forward

Thanksgiving is behind us and Christmas is almost here. And except for a couple of stragglers, I have almost all of the presents, such as they are, wrapped and ready. I’m looking forward to Christmas this year- not for the presents, but for the company, and the opportunity to relax for a little bit.

I've been fairly swamped these last several weeks. It hasn’t just been the holidays, it’s also been dealing with issues having to do with Sam. “Issues” really isn't the right word for it. It makes it sound like he’s some kind of a problem, which he certainly isn’t, but for lack of a better word, that's what I'll use for now.

All of these “issues” have to do with Sam’s special needs and his transitioning into the so-called world of so-called adults.

Most of this started several weeks ago with some outside testing done through his school. I think I mentioned it, at least in passing, in one of these posts around here somewhere. On my end of it, it consisted of filling out just shy of a dozen questionnaires, totaling somewhere around 1500 or so questions. This, along with thorough testing by Sam, resulted in a lengthy and detailed report that talked about many aspects of Sam- his strengths and his areas of difficulty.

It's the kind of report that someone like me has to treat like eating a big meal- I read it, and I have to step away from it for a while, in order to digest it- and then I can come back to it and do it all over again. The difference between this and a big meal is that I often lose a lot of what I had done before. It takes me a lot of readings to be able to absorb and really understand what’s in front of me. This report, the hope is, will be helpful in whatever educational services are left for him and hopefully, it will be helpful in whatever transitions lay ahead.

Along with all of this testing, I've started meeting with the Mass Rehabilitation Commission or, MRC. Don’t ask me what the MRC is because I don’t know enough about it to answer the question. Yes, I’ve looked it up, and yes, I’ve asked, but much like with the report, I’m still in the process of learning and absorbing and hopefully, understanding.

Sam had one intake meeting already, and I went along, and I’ve had several conversations with the coordinator. This, in turn, has led to more forms and questionnaires for me to fill out- some for the MRC and some that the MRC has given me for something called the DDS.

The DDS is also something I'm also not familiar with. About all I know of the DDS so far is that in order to apply, I need to get Sam an official state ID. This, naturally, has become quite a process as well. To get Sam the State ID, we'll have to go to the state RMV, and we'll need to bring certain specific information to meet their very specific requirements. There are three categories in which he needs to provide information. He needs proof of his date of birth, proof of his residency and something that bears his signature.

While these categories were easy enough to find on their website, finding out what meets their very specific requirements was more difficult. As difficult as they were to find on the website, it turned out that they're easier to find there, than it was to try calling the RMV and ask someone for some help- that is, unless you have about three hours of time to waste.

I made the mistake of trying to call the RMV and I got locked into their automated “Help” system. Naturally, none of the options they gave me met my questions, so after several tries down the wrong rabbit hole, I unfortunately had to attempt to talk to an actual person. When I finally managed to get to the correct automated operator, I was instructed that, because of the “backlog” they suggested leaving a callback number and the best time of day that I could be reached. This was given with directions on how to punch in the numbers for the time of day, after which I was supposed to press the pound key.

For some reason, every time I got to the point of punching in the time, it brought me back to the previous, previous menu, and I had the start all over again. Eventually, I managed to get out of that loop and reach another menu where I attempted to once again reach a real human, only to be put on hold. A recording told me that due to the current backlog, the wait time was approximately an hour and 45 minutes. I went back to the website.

Back at the website, I finally found what it was that I needed in order to prove that Sam actually existed, and it turned out that now that I know where to look, it’s pretty easy to find.

Of the three categories of required information, finding something that met their requirements for a signature was the most difficult. He doesn’t have a Merchant Marine Card and he doesn’t have a Marriage Certificate. He also doesn't have a Firearms Card, a Passport or a Lease or Loan Contract. It said he could use a cancelled check, and normally I would think that this would be the easiest to provide. But the problem is, he can't get a checking account because he doesn't have an official ID.

They will accept a Social Security card, as long as it has his signature on it. We found his Social Security card, unsigned, and so I made a couple of copies and I had him practice his signature a couple of times before signing the official card. He did fine on the copies, but he hit a bump on the official card when he started to misspell his last name. Panic set in- for both of us. Visions of now having to apply for a New Social Security Card as well were not something I wanted to add to the mix. But I think we got the signature fixed well enough, and after the holidays, we'll see how this goes at the RMV. But in the mean time, I still need to fill out their forms, and then it will be back to focusing on the forms for the MRC.

The woman at the MRC has been asking for a questionnaire that was sent home with us from the intake meeting. Sam and I had been struggling to get through this double sided, poster sized form over the course of three nights. When I told the woman that we went as far as we could go, and how I thought that it wasn’t a very good fit for Sam, it came out that this wasn't the questionnaire that she has been asking about. This double sided, poster sized form was only if Sam found it to be "helpful" (he didn’t) and the one that she’s been asking about is one I can’t find. I suspect that I filled it out already- and handed it in with the other questionnaires to the woman who did his previously mentioned testing. So now, the MRC will be sending a new copy and I can fill out all over again.

While waiting for that to show up, I'll continue to muddle through the RMV forms and Sam and I will go onto the DDS forms.

Along with the DDS and the MRC, I've been told that I should sign Sam up for Social Security. Like everything else, I don't really know what this means. I know what Social Security is, at least I think I do, but I don't understand the whole process or have a good grasp on what the expectation is. As I did with the RMV and the MRC, I went on their website, but it was too much for me- at least until I get these other things out of the way.

We're also exploring options for his next year of education. It's looking like he's not going to be at the same school where he has spent the last five years and I don't know exactly where he will be in the fall. There is another program, this one a year long, that we’re looking into, but I'm told to wait until the end of January and then call for a tour and an interview. We'll see how that goes.

At some point soon, it will be time for another IEP meeting.

And while all of this other stuff is going on, I’ve had to back-burner the issue of guardianship until some of these other things can be cleared out of the way- but it's on my mind a lot.

On the bright side, in a semi-panic, I called up a local agency to see if I could get some direction and help in prioritizing all of this. They had some suggestions and if nothing else, it sounds like waiting on the guardianship until after the DDS process is further is along is a good idea. I have no idea why, but at least it puts things in some kind of semi-order.

So, I'm still buried in questionnaires and forms and acronyms- RMV, MRC, DDS, IEP,- it’s all one big morass. But in the end, I figure it has to be worth it.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about all of this isn’t the time and the work. It’s that I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like I am feeling my way down a dark, empty hall and there’s a fire somewhere behind me- and when I eventually reach a door, I go in- even though I don't know where I am or what to do.

But this, like usual is just me complaining. Thank goodness Christmas is almost here and I'll have a little break.  I’m really looking forward to a little company.