Rolling Along, Part Two

I made a comment below regarding Helaina and how quickly time has passed. When I wrote it, I was mostly thinking of her time in college. Last Friday was her graduation and as I sat in the crowd waiting for the ceremony to begin, I again thought back to the yesterdays we spent looking at schools together, including the first time we visited the school she is now leaving. As I sat there waiting for the ceremony to begin, reflecting on how quickly this has gone by, I noticed a little girl in front of me, maybe three years old.

This little girl was behaving as well as any kid this age could be expected to when brought to this kind of event. She's playing in and out of her seat, and she's talking to an older woman that I assume is her grandmother. After a while, this little girl takes out a small toy she brought along to play with. As she's turning it over and over with her left hand, I notice her right hand loosely draped on the back of her chair. While this little girl didn't particularly remind me of Helaina, strangely enough, her hand did.

I had forgotten about the shape of a child's hand when they're this age. Or maybe it's just that I never have had much reason to think about it. I had forgotten how short the fingers are in relation to the rest of the hand, and how slightly plump the whole hand is. I had forgotten how delicately the fingers flit about, and how they have a quality like an insect's antenna, gently playing with the air without any thought. I sat somewhat transfixed by this, surprised that I had forgotten.

I thought about all the times Helaina had grabbed onto my finger when she was younger than this little girl. I thought about how gently I would have to hold her hand as she got a little older, first when she was learning to walk and then later as we would take walks together.

It's been years since Helaina has had to hold my hand and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those days. But as the band starts to play and she and the others file in, I am brought back to the moment. I think about the lifetime ago when she needed my hand to walk and how grateful I am to have been able to hold her hand back when I had the chance.