My response to this has been that I have nothing to say that I haven't said before. After all, a) my exciting life is not exactly filled with excitement and b) it's also pretty much true.
As of this "writing," I've been doing this since the end of August of 2010 (discounting a couple of one-offs in 2008). Using most of my fingers and toes, I figure this works out to be over fifteen years. That's a lot of time to write about pretty much nothing. That's a lot of posts (1,650 including this one) to not say a whole lot.
But even though all of this is true, it hasn't felt quite right. Or more accurately, it hasn't felt complete.
As the fog has thinned over these past many, many months (which is not to say, "lifted"), I've been able to get enough distance and clarity to recognize the obvious - which is, this past year has not been the greatest (I am restraining myself from saying "awful"). It has been very draining time-wise and extremely draining emotionally - probably the worst prolonged period of time since Sam went through his initial traumas.
And like his initial trauma, this came out of the blue.
My last post prior to this one was on April 19th, 2025. Not coincidentally, this saga started on April 8th, 2025 - a little over a week before. And it snowballed from there.After giving it a lot of (inconsistent) thought, I may (or may not) write a little bit about it.
I've toyed with this for awhile but there are a few things that I need to figure out:
-- Do I use real names or make up fake ones? I don't want to get sued - though everything I say will be true. And nobody comes here anyway. The real names are so fitting (obviously) and fake names don't feel right - plus it's one more thing to keep track of. But I'm inclined to go the fake route.
- -This is pretty convoluted and if I start retracing all of this, invariably I'll get to a point where I'll think, "Oh yeah, I should have said X,Y and Z before this." Do I add it in? Do I go back and revise? Do I stop wasting my time go back to trying to stay awake on the couch? How do I handle this?
-- If I were to write about this, it's going to take a while. And as I said, it was emotionally exhausting to go through it. It likely will be at least somewhat emotionally exhausting to go through it all again. Do I bother? Do I start and then give up?
--And, if I do go forward, how do I organize all of this? Do I do chapters? It's not that clean. Where does one chapter begin and another one end?
--During all of this time, other, unrelated, things happened. How do I handle all of this - do I ignore these other, probably not relevant things? Do I intersperse these unrelated gems between chapters (named as such or not) or do I save them for the inevitable anti-climax somewhere down the road.
--And maybe most importantly, I'm not at the end of this road. Am I in the middle? Are things winding down? I have absolutely no idea. I do know that if things flare up, it will likely be another long, long break before I come back here - if at all.
I think, on all of the above, I'll just figure it out as I go.
If I go at all.
We'll see.
