Scenes from Tonight's Treasure Hunt

Q and A

Q: How many days will it be before somebody finally breaks down and replaces the paper towel role?

A: Four Days.

Light Reading

When I got home from work today, I got caught up on how Sam’s day went. He filled me in on the various things, asked me how my day went, then he said, “Oh , and I found this book at the end of the driveway,” and he hands it to me. I tell him, “Oh that’s a phone book.”

Silence.

“Do you know what a phone book is?" I asked.

He didn’t, so I explained how in the olden days- before the internet, how most families in town would get a phone book and whoever had a phone number would be listed in there, in alphabetical order, along with their phone number, and I gave him a few examples. I told him that now, it was pretty much just business in this book, and I showed him some of these business on the inside.

He took the book back and said, “Hmm, think I’ll take a look.”

He takes the book over to the couch and after a few minutes I hear, “This is interesting. This company says that they exterminate ants, mice... and rats. Wait a minute... It also says they get rid of moles and squirrels! That’s weird!”

Since then, I’ve heard about how there are numbers in there for lawyers- even retirement lawyers, and there are numbers in there for plumbers, and there are a lot of numbers for something called the IRS.

Sam tells me that this book must have everything there is “in the entire United States.” He would know better than me. I’ve never spent more than two minutes looking through a phone book. Sam’s been over there reading it for the last half an hour.

Today's Brief Comment(s)

All these visits go by too fast.

Everything goes by too fast.

Tonight's Walk

Well Worth It

Next to the desk, I have a recycling basket to dispose of all of the junk mail and newspapers and envelopes that usually sit on the dining room table. And next to the basket, I have a bag for all of the things that I want to shred before getting rid of them. This bag consists primarily of bills and canceled checks and anything that might have account numbers on them, or other top secret information.

It’s been building up for a while, so I decided to hire Sam to shed all of this stuff.

Apparently, I had been putting it off even longer than I suspected. It turned out that there was more than one bag buried back there, there were three - all overstuffed. Along with the three bags, I added several folders of outdated financial aid information from the various colleges of the past.

On Saturday, Sam started shredding in the morning, took a break so we could run our errands and have some lunch, then he finished up in the afternoon. By the time he was done, he had filled six grocery bags with ribbons of paper scraps.

I paid Sam to do this job. Someone could argue that since he lives in this house, Sam should be doing something like this as a matter of course. And that’s true. But I look at it that Sam doesn’t collect a regular allowance - not that a regular allowance should be a gift or anything, but he helps around the house - in ways that are seen and unseen.

Sam brings his laundry upstairs and he puts his clothes away - always without me asking. He fixes his bed every night, also without me asking. And he washes his dishes, usually, and he’s always more than eager to help me cook. Sam always helps me out whenever I ask him. So, yeah, maybe he should just be doing that stuff anyway, and he does - with no expectation. But the thing is, most of all, Sam helps keep me sane.

I gave him ten bucks.

Tonight's Brief Comment

I like hearing the distant sounds of geese flying high above, returning from a winter spent who knows where.

On Our Walk

On our walk last night, Sam spotted something up ahead on the sidewalk. Without stopping...

Sam: What's that?

Me: Hmm, it looks like someone dropped a Dunkin' Munchkin. We definitely don't want to pick that up...

(Silence, as we keep walking)

Me: At least some squirrel might find it. They'll think they've found a treasure!

Sam: Really? I didn't know they liked those kids of nuts...

(More silence... as we keep walking...)

Sam: Get it? ... Doughnuts?

Brave New World

Sam and I ate healthy tonight. I will now pause while you re-read that sentence.

We had our first foray into cooking kale for dinner. Sam prepped the garlic and I helped him with the frying pan and the cooking.

I should probably mention that when I say "healthy", I mean healthier. Sam had his kale as a side order with his homemade meatball grinder - but hey, you gotta start somewhere. I had my kale with a side order of wondering why I was only eating kale.

A Short Friday Night Clip

This looks interesting to me, and not just because of Mark Knopfler...

Another Week in the Life

Well, well well... contrary to appearances, I have not dropped off the face of the earth - despite my best attempts. I have been largely occupied with the continuing saga of Sam and trying to figure out Sam's future - but then, you already knew that.

In the last week, I've had an appointment with a social worker - this, after mailing her a ream of reports on Sam the week before, and yesterday, it was a meeting with a lawyer to discuss options to help protect Sam, now that he is an adult.

Where will this lead? Your guess is a good as mine. The lawyer will be talking to the social worker and then he will be calling me again. This will mean another meeting - maybe with Sam along, maybe not. But if Sam doesn't meet with him this next time, he will be eventually. He is, of course, what all of this is all about.

And Sam isn't totally in the dark on all of this. I keep him informed - as best as someone as uninformed as myself is able to do. But he knows he has options and he knows he has a voice in all of this. And he knows what the point of all of this is. Or at least we've talked about it often - and will continue to.

These are not long, burdensome conversations. These are brief, "This is what's going on" conversations. I don't tell him half of what I do. I think there would be way too much minutiae and it's really not anything he needs to be buried with. It's confusing enough for me.

As a matter of fact, when things get to the point where I feel totally lost and confused by all of this or overwhelmed by all of this, or sometimes, both, I often think about how Sam must feel this same way about so many different things.

So, Sam gets the Cliffsnotes version of things. I don't want to put too much weight on things, but I don't want him to be in the dark, either.

When I am not dealing with all of this physically, I am often dealing with it mentally. And whole I am often dealing with it mentally, I am almost always dealing with it emotionally. But then, when it comes to someone you love, how can it be any other way?

In between all of this, I did, however, manage to visit a local antique store with Helaina about a week or so ago. One of these days, maybe I'll get around to posting some photos of the highlights.

And Rachael showed up for a brief visit this week. This was last minute - for me anyway. But I'll take "brief" over "not at all" any day of the week.

Did I mention that about two weeks ago, Sam, Jake and I saw Batman Vs. Superman at the movies? Sam bought the tickets at a school fundraiser. I wasn't sure how he would do with this, but he wanted to give it a try and he did great - though admittedly closing his eyes at the beginning. This movie hasn't gotten very good reviews, but I enjoyed it a great deal. Better than most, I thought. Just darker - but I'm OK with that - as long as it's not gory.

So there you have it. All in all, a pretty good couple of weeks.

Friday Night Video

Before you ask - yes, this is another post about Sam. I’ve been thinking that maybe I should rename this blog, My Life with Sam - or something along those lines. But every so often, I write about one of my other interests, such as my other kids, or… well, I guess that’s pretty much it.

So, anyway, with that said, here’s an Apple commercial that’s been playing a lot lately. 

This commercial plays a few minutes before Sam goes up to take his shower, just about every night at least for this past week or so. Whenever this plays, Sam is on the computer, and every time, Sam takes off his headphones and stands over at the edge of the rug - and watches. And he stands there, not with a smile on his face, but not frowning, either. He’s just taking it in. 

Usually he’ll make a comment while it’s playing, and even when he doesn’t, he’ll always make a comment when it’s over - and the comment is always some heartfelt variation of, “Aww, I feel bad for Cookie Monster.” 

And that in turn sparks some comment from me, something along the lines of, “Boy, that Cookie Monster sure is impatient. It hasn’t even been a minute yet!” And I’ll usually add something along the lines of, “He’s going to be so happy when all of those cookies are done!” Sam usually responds with a vague, “Yeah…”, but his expression doesn’t change and the gears are still turning in his head as he goes back to the computer.

Last night this commercial played, and it played out just like it had the other nights this week. But this time, there was a difference. When the commercial was over, Sam made his usual comments and I made my usual comments. But then Sam commented on the song, saying that he kind of liked it.

So, I told him the name of the song and who it was by, and he goes back to the computer and I see him opening up YouTube and searching around. I go over and help him to spell “Croce” and direct him to what might be a good link. Sam starts listening as I go back and sit on the couch. And I watch as he’s listening. And since this is one of those clips where someone has put static photos to the music - rather than a video of an actual performance, Sam sits, looking down at the floor, and listens intently.

When the song ends, Sam takes off headphones and comments that it was "kind of nice." I agree with him and tell him that the song was popular when I was a teenager - which is met with the usual look of “Are you joking with me right now?”, which is the look I get pretty much any time I mention that I used to be young.

Sam goes up and takes his shower and comes back down and he goes back on the computer, along with his usual nightly snack of an orange. And as he’s sitting there with his headphones on, eating his orange, I see he’s back on YouTube, watching some video of an interview he found, of someone I don’t recognize. 

Without me asking, Sam turns around, shifts his headphone and tells me that “This guy is Jim Croce's son. His name is A.J.” And he slips the headphone back on and listens for a minute or two more and then he turns again and tells me how his son never knew his Dad. And how his Dad died in an airplane crash. And I talked about this for a minute or two and then Sam turned and went back to listening. A few minutes later, he tells me that apparently A.J. once had a brain tumor “or something” and was blind for a while.

It went on like this pretty much through the rest of the video. And when it was over, Sam went onto other videos - all the way up until bedtime.

Sam has done this kind of thing before. Kenny Rogers and other things come to mind. I love when something like this happens. I love that low-key, subtle spark that happens when he is intrigued by something new. And I love it when he takes it upon himself to casually look a little deeper. And I especially love the fact that he must have been thinking about this while he was up taking his shower.

Sometimes it's easy to think that Sam's not engaged - especially if he has his headphones on and he's sitting in front of the computer. There nights where not a lot gets said, and someone that doesn’t know any better might think that there isn’t a lot of communication going on. But the thing is - it’s there. You have to watch for it and, I think, most of all, you have to be available when the opportunities come. Sometimes, you have to create those opportunities, and sometimes, Sam creates them for you - if you're listening.

And if and when the questions come out, I know they won't come out like a torrential rain, they'll come out like a gentle mist. But you can use that opportunity to plant some seeds and the mist might turn into a gentle sprinkle and the questions might lead to conversations and the conversations might sprout - and maybe they'll even blossom. 

They may not be long conversations, not by your standards or mine, but they’re long conversations by Sam’s. And most of all, they’re all important and they all matter. But you have to watch for them because sometimes they'll grow from something as simple as a commercial staring Cookie Monster.

One More Time

Sam and I have really been chalking up the outings this week - going to the local Walgreens, walking the supermarket, walking home from the auto mechanic's...

Even with all of this excitement, I’m sure you’ve been asking yourself, “Yes, you seem to be living a rather rich and fulfilling life, but what about us? Where are all of the pictures of Sam feeding the ducks? It’s been at least two weeks since I’ve seen any duck photos!  How much longer must I wait????”

Well, your wait is now over. Enjoy, and then go about your day, content in the knowledge that there are some ducks out there somewhere, who went to bed with full bellies last night.