Another One Down

Hard to believe another year, as bad as it often was, has zipped right by. I don't have much to say tonight, but I wish you well and hope the year ahead is a happy one for you and those you love.

Ringing Out the Old Year

The house is quiet, except for some choral Christmas music playing quietly in the background. The tree has been taken down and all the scattered decorations from around the house have been boxed up and stowed safely away for another year. I wonder what awaits them the next time I take them out. What will transpire between now and then?

Did I mention the house is quiet? 

What better way to wind down the old year than with some Mr. Bean? The only thing better would be to watch it with someone...

This Year's Response from Santa

Before I get to Santa's response to Sam's letter, if I haven't done so in years past (but I probably have) let me first preface it with a couple of comments (i.e., excuses).

First of all, Santa has no clue ahead of time what Sam is going to say. All of this is sprung on the poor old guy at the last minute.

And second of all, Santa has to write this response after he's hung chocolate ornaments and candy canes on the tree, put bows on the presents he's already wrapped - and then put them around the tree, stuff and re-hang the stockings, and then get rid of all the mess. 

By the time all of this is accomplished, it is WAY past Santa's semi-normal bedtime - and Santa's forehead is pretty much dragging along the floor as his head is about ready to explode. 

Then and only then, Santa can try to come up with a response to the hopes and fears that Sam has taken his considerable amount of time to so thoughtfully express. These are thoughts that cannot be minimized or brushed aside.

So, with all of that said, below is this year's response to Sam's letter to Santa (typed instead of posting a photo of the actual letter so that you, unlike Sam, won't have to deal with deciphering Santa's crappy handwriting)...

 12/25/21

Dear Sam,

 Thanks as always for your lovely note. I look forward to it every year.

It sounds like this one has been a busy one for you. No wonder time goes by so quickly. It always seems to fly by when you're busy. Whether it goes by fast or slow, it's important to appreciate every minute- and it sounds like you do.

I'm sorry you lost someone close to you.Though I know it isn't the same, the people we love, the people we are close to, are always with us. They are a part of us and we carry them, and their love, with us forever. Nothing can change that.

I'm so glad you know so many nice people - friends you go Trick-or-Treating with, friends you hang out with, and friends you work with. How lucky you are! And they are very lucky to know you!

And yes, like you, I will be very glad when COVID is gone. But until then, I am glad you are taking care of yourself -  and being considerate of those around you by wearing a mask. I wish everyone was as thoughtful as you. Anyway, have a great Christmas.

Love, Santa

This Year's Letter

Another Christmas Eve, another letter to Santa. 

Over the last couple of years, this year in particular, I haven't been completely sure how Sam perceives Santa. At times, I've had the distinct impression that Sam has begun seeing Santa a little differently - and maybe he has and maybe he hasn't - or maybe Sam knows things the rest of us don't.

In any case, on this Christmas Eve, like every other Christmas Eve, Sam sat down before bedtime and wrote a letter to Santa. And as long as Sam still writes his letters, Santa will respond. 

Merry Christmas.

Click to enlarge

 

More Music for the Holidays

Here's another Christmas music video, this one very recently posted by Bobby Whitlock. 

I've always liked Bobby Whitlock, starting way back with his time on George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass", then as a part of  Derek and the Dominoes - and later, his solo work.

Talented, plus he seems like a real nice guy.

That Time of Year

 Let the festivities begin!

Today's Update

I'm happy to report, hopefully not too prematurely, that after a long day (and a long night, plus another not-as-long night, plus a not-good-but-not-quite-as-bad day), Sam is feeling better today. 

We even managed to go out for a somewhat brief walk in the freakish, unseasonably warm weather late yesterday afternoon. And today, he's headed back to work (with his supervisor kindly keeping an eye on him). 

Fingers crossed.

We'll still be taking it easy, meal-wise for a little while but we're miles from where we were a couple of days ago. Thank god. These stomach bugs are the worst.

Rude Awakening

Tomorrow marks the one month anniversary since I last posted anything - a new record, I think, in my eleven-or-so years of posting here. 

Don't take it personally. 

My lack of posting is due to a variety of things, none of which are worth mentioning here - or if they are, I've probably mentioned them here before. 

I will mention (not that it's worth it) that, most recently, I've been laid up with a stomach/intestinal bug - which is always a good time. What's even less fun is, just as I'm beginning to feel a little bit better (hopefully), as of 1:30 this morning, Sam apparently now has this bug, as well.

Maybe it was even earlier but 1:30 A.M. is when I felt the tapping on my shoulder and, once I realized I wasn't dreaming, cracked opened my eyes to see Sam standing there, telling me he didn't feel well. 

After me stumbling (or is it 'fumbling'?) into the bathroom to dig out a heating pad, Sam lay next to me in bed. When he felt things had settled enough, he used the bathroom one more time then returned to his own bed. I  covered him up and spent the remaining predawn hours tossing and turning and drifting - and listening for any signs of distress. 

The distress finally, regretfully, came a few minutes ago.

Sam just finished getting sick. I rubbed his back as he sweated and clutched the sides of the toilet. And then, once he was done, I helped him to his feet and patted him for awhile.

After getting him situated and comfortable, I scrubbed the toilet - and the rest of the bathroom - and just now put in a load of his laundry (hot water, with bleach, if you're interested).

At this moment, Sam is currently laying on the couch behind me, sucking on some ice chips with a heating pad on his stomach and the "sick-a-bowl" on his lap. (The sick-a-bowl is so named from the many years of various little kids getting sick and needing this particular bowl to be nearby. The name has stuck ever since - though I'm probably the only one who still calls it that.) 

Later, when things have settled for a bit, I'll walk over to the store to get some ginger-ale and some popsicles.

But for now, as Sam rests, I'm sitting here. Waiting.

Sick-a-Bowl

Today's Extended Update

I should mention that I FINALLY received the long delayed letter from SSI, confirming the conclusion of Sam's medical reevaluation. (You can go back and look at previous posts if you want to see what I'm talking about. I'm too burned out to go back and link to them.)

What's surprising to me, aside from having to wait five months to get a copy of this letter, is how completely uninformative it is. Other than some fairly standard SSI boilerplate language, it tells me almost nothing.

Near the end of the months-long struggle to find out Sam's status in this excruciatingly long process, I had finally managed to talk to his caseworker at (the other) DDS (she being the one who let me know that the reevaluation had been completed months prior - apparently by her). She's the one that said I should have received this letter directly from SSI months earlier and that I needed to call them for a copy.

But one of the things she also said was that she reclassified Sam. As I understand it (and I don't understand it very well), SSI has (at least) three general tiers, for some reason called "diaries". These tiers are based on the severity of one's disability and their prognosis. These tiers dictate, among other things, the frequency of these medical reevaluations.

Not that you need to know (but I'm going to tell you anyway), the three tiers are: Medical Improvement Expected (MIE), Medical Improvement Possible (MIP), and Medial Improvement Not Expected (MINE). 

MIE looks to be for so-called short term disabilities; issues that might be resolved through surgery and the like, where there is an expected recovery in the not too distant future (though at least a year away, since, again as I understand it, you have to be disabled for at least a year before you can qualify for any assistance). MIE cases have the most frequent medical reevaluations - at least once a year.

MIP is similar but longer term. This includes, among other things, certain types of mental illnesses and, for some reason which she bothered to tell me, it also includes Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Under an MIP classification, medical reevaluations generally happen about every three years.

And then there's MINE. This covers, among other things, autism. Medical reevaluations under this classification happen about every seven years.

All of these tiers can have reevaluations more frequently, but that, apparently, is the general outline.

When Sam was originally approved for assistance, he was classified under "Medial Improvement Expected". This was long before I had any awareness of the various tiers. But even back then, I knew enough to question how they could expect any improvement. Unfortunately, I could never get an answer beyond a terse, "We don't make those decisions in this office." End of discussion.

Now, even though you won't find it anywhere in this letter, according to Ms. Other DDS, she has reclassified Sam under the MINE tier - which is both a little bit heartbreaking and, for better or worse, pretty accurate. But the thing is, I wouldn't even know about it had I not talked with her.

Anyway, I realize this is way more than you need to know but, rest assured, I probably have most of it wrong and have therefore wasted not only my time, but yours, as well.

Oh, and P.S... If you're ever unfortunate enough to have to deal with these things, don't confuse medical reevaluations with re-determinations. That's a whole different thing. Sam and I have already been through that - three times, so far. 

I won't bore you with those details - at least, not yet. We've all had enough for one day.

Today's Brief Comment

Warm wishes for Ben C. and his family.

In the Dark

Sam and I are still trying to coordinate our before-dinner walks with these new, non-daylight savings, non-daylight afternoon hours. So far, it's going less than great.

The other evening, we decided to go for a walk on our rail-yard route. Assuming we don't get dissuaded by the stench from the nearby sewage treatment plant, this route consists of starting our walk at the rail-yard (hence, the name "rail-yard route"), following the bike path through the woods, crossing the Bridge of Death, going through some more woods, walking past an old mill-type building (which may or may not be housing illegal activities), down a side-street, up to the canal and then walking along the canal until we've reached a total one-way trip of about two miles (which one of us has decided is "our limit"). 

This, we have easily done (relatively speaking) in the long ago (as in, last week), still-daylight savings hours. In these new, non-daylight savings hours? Well, let's just say our preparation needs refining. Or at least, flashlights.

Here's a picture taken at the point of our turnaround...

Kind of pretty, right?

Here's another photo, this one taken about five hundred yards into the walk back...

Not much different, right? Right. (Actually, I only included it because I kind of like the picture.) 

Now, here's one taken at about the halfway point, approaching the aforementioned, once-upon-a-time-it-was-legit-but-probably-isn't-anymore "mill"... 

Kind of pretty in a let's-get-the-hell-out-of-here-before-someone-clubs-us-over-the-head kind of way. Note, as we did, the darkening sky.

Now, here's one taken about, maybe ten minutes later...

What you're looking at is the view as we approach the Bridge of Death. If you think crossing this bridge in broad daylight is fun (it isn't), try crossing it in the dark (FYI: even less fun).

At this point, we're about three quarters of a mile from the train-yard which means three quarters of a mile from the safety of our car.

But, obviously, we made it back, both of us pledging to bring flashlights the next time (which, if we hold true to form, we'll forget).

Wild Life

 

Sam and I came upon this deer while we were on our walk at the far side of the canal. This guy ended up walking along with us, always staying about fifteen feet away and keeping a few steps ahead of us. As we walked, he would occasionally stop and eat some of the brush growing along a chain-link fence. Sam and I would stop and watch.

We let him have his space and he let us have ours and each of us seemed to be fine with this arrangement. And though he was in no hurry, it dawned on me that maybe it was best to encourage him to walk further along, down to where there was an opening in the fence that led to the woods. 

On our walk down, Sam and I had passed some fishermen standing about ten feet from their car, their trunk open and filled with all sorts of sportsman-like stuff. I don't know if any of that sportsman-like stuff included a rifle, but I knew it was hunting season and I knew that seeing these guys shooting at the deer would definitely ruin our walk.

Needless to say, this was a possibility I didn't bother to share with Sam. Instead, I, like usual, (barely) played it cool.

We calmly walked along, getting closer to the deer with each step, gradually herding him towards the opening in the fence. Thankfully, the deer took the not-so-subtle hint, found the opening, and disappeared into the woods - where, we like to think, he's currently living a long, full life. 

Sam and I continued on, passing the fisherman on our way back to our car - Sam, happy that he saw a new friend, and I, happy that his new friend didn't end up strapped to the hood of their car.

My Treat

 

Last Saturday was Halloween and for some reason, I neglected to take a single picture (the one above is from 2019) - which is too bad because, for the first time ever, Sam went Trick-or-Treating with a friend. 

I can't tell you how happy this made me - not only because it made Sam happy ("It's a lot more fun with a friend"), but also because, when moments like this come along, I find myself thinking back to not-all-that-many-years-ago, when Sam didn't even like leaving the house. 

And I think about all the intervening years, each moment filled with coaching and encouraging and making it safe for him to be who he is - and to be proud of it. And I think about all the microscopic baby steps, each one feeling like a milestone, to get to where he is.

And I'm glad he has a friend.

How to Carve a Pumpkin

1) Start with a sketch...

 2) Study your subject...

 3) Approach your subject with deliberation and thoughtfulness...

 4) Copy your sketch onto your subject...

5) Take a minute to admire your good taste and decision making skills...

5) Start cutting...

 6) (Not shown) Have Dad remove the guts.

7) Keep cutting and... voila!...

 

Epilogue...

One lonely (but happy) pumpkin, sitting on the steps.

Lifting Fog

This October has had more than it's share of foggy mornings. Here's just one example. 

The photos below were taken from a spot overlooking the cove, near one of our walking paths. Nothing spectacular but kind of peaceful. Especially when you're alone.

Last of the Season

Daylight savings ends a little over a week from now and with it goes the lovely views of our evening walks. Sam and I usually leave for our walks sometime around 4 P.M. and in these remaining days of rapidly diminishing daylight, the sun is currently setting at about 5:45 PM. With the loss of an hour, well, you can do the math. And as we all know, it will only get worse from there.

So, in preparation for the dark months ahead, we've hauled out the reflector vest Sam got for Christmas last year (or was it the year before?) and we've checked the flashlights (which we'll be needing for Halloween, anyway). Beyond that, there's not much more we can do - other than accept the inevitable and trudge through the darkness of the coming months.

In the mean time, here are a few last-of-the-season views from the other side of the canal. It's probably not enough to carry us through the winter but it's the best I can do...

Yesterday's Update Updated

So, funny story...

As I mentioned yesterday, I finally managed to reach the voicemail of Ms. Other DDS. Despite my stunned elation, I somehow had the presence of mind to leave her an actual message inquiring as to the status of Sam's medical reevaluation. Well, shock-of-shocks, Ms O. DDS returned my call today.

Not only did she return my call but, a) she was seemingly very nice, b) she said that Sam's all set - he still qualifies for assistance* and c) she added, "Sam's revaluation was completed BACK IN JUNE- June 8th, to be exact... Didn't I get a letter?"

Are you kidding me?  

She suggested I call SSI and find out what happened to it.

I thanked her and called SSI to find out what happened to it.

After multiple re-dials and hang-ups (apparently this tried-and-true phone system of theirs, also shared with Other DDS, is designed to separate the weak from the irate), I managed to speak to someone not quite as nice as Ms. O. DDS.

"That's strange." Ms. Not Quite As Nice said. "The "system" shows it was mailed out MONTHS AGO. Was I sure I didn't get it? 

How am I supposed to respond to a question like that?

She punched a few keys on her keyboard and then asked if I might like "another" copy.

"Sure," I said. "Why not? What's another couple of days after waiting several months."

She said no problem and asked if there was anything else she could do for me. 

I refrained from offering any suggestions.

 

*In fact, he more than qualifies. More on that some other time. Maybe.

Today's Update

After who-knows-how-long of calling the Other DDS every-single-day, and getting a busy signal before getting cut off, every-single-day, today (Wednesday) - Good News! I finally managed to get through to the voicemail of the person at the the Other DDS.

Granted, this was only her voicemail, but that's further than I've gotten before. 

I feel like this is almost a victory.

FYI- her voicemail says she doesn't work on Wednesdays.

No Words

It was so heartwarming, to have the family around for a weekend. It's not within my limited writing abilities to express my appreciation for all the coordination it took, and all the effort it took, for everyone to be at home.

These brief moments are so few and far between. This was true in those not-so-long ago, pre-pandemic days, and it's true today. 

I'm painfully aware, as I've always been, that life is so short - and as time goes on, the chances of  us being able to share our company will only become more and more difficult. So I treasure these moments and I carry them with me. 

As I always have.

Here are a few rare photos from Saturday and Sunday...

Free Chair

No explanation necessary.

A Different Perspective

Here's a view from the other side of the canal, taken last Monday. It's kind of nice to see the canal from a different angle and to look across and see the path we usually walk.

I don't know why Sam and I never walked this route before but better late than never... or something like that.  At least we have another option to add to our somewhat limited list.

Today

Happy birthday, Dad. 

Miss you.

From a slide dated 4/20/1986.

Back to Work (Thank God)

As implied in the previous post, as of Monday, Sam is back at work. I can't tell you how relieved I am. 

Back at the end of July, Sam got his usual semi-form letter from the superintendent, personalized with his inserted name, stating her "intent" to re-hire him for the fall semester. 

This is always great news but, first of all, it's only part one of a two part process. And second of all, the weasel-word "intent" leaves the proverbial foot-in-the-door and makes it not quite a done deal. This leads to the unresolved second part of this two part process - which is, a firm commitment to actually be able to go back to work. 

This year, returning to work was even more uncertain than in years past. As with pretty much everything else in the world, COVID has thrown an additional wrench into the works. Not only were there the usual issues in transitioning between the summer meals program to the regular school year's cafeteria work, this year, bigger adjustments had to be made.

Gone, for now, would be the re-usable trays, plates and cutlery - all things which Sam would normally be washing as a part of his job. Gone, too, would be things like making sandwiches and wraps to order - another thing Sam would be involved with.  Instead, disposable trays, plates and cutlery, along with an amount of pre-packaged food would be supplied - again, at least for now.

How all of this would affect Sam - whether he would have a diminished work schedule or whether he would be working at all, was up in the air.

Add to this, or maybe because of this, his usual delay between the summer program and the fall program, was unusually extended.

At the end of the summer program, his supervisor had warned me that, between moving from the Middle School back to the High School, and with all of the modifications they would need to make due to the COVID protocols, many of which were still to be finalized, Sam's delay would likely be longer than in years past. How much longer, and how much he would be working, was still a question.

Normally, all the food service workers have a break of about two to three weeks between the end of the summer program and the beginning of the fall semester. A few years ago, after his first transition, his supervisor wisely decided that it made more sense for Sam's return to be delayed an additional week. This gave the rest of the crew time to figure out the logistics of, and set up for, the new school year.  Doing this made a difficult transition for Sam a little bit easier.

This year, just as his supervisor said, his return was indeed delayed - even longer than we anticipated. Rather than the delay lasting the usual three or four weeks, this year, Sam's delay turned out to be closer to Six Anxiety-Filled Weeks (for me, that is, not so much for Sam).

But now, finally, he's back to work.

And so far, for this moment anyway, all is well.

End of Summer Ritual

Sunday night was the night before Sam finally headed back to work - which meant it was also the night for us to get our traditional "Summer is Really Over" ice cream, together.

This tradition started about ten years ago (I'm guessing), back in the not-so-distant days when Sam was still in school. 

Back then, the end of summer seemed to be a lot harder. It was filled with a lot more anxiety.

Maybe it was because he was younger back then- and a lot of things can be hard when you're younger. Or maybe it was because the approach of school carried a lot more "unknowns" - what were the new students going to be like? And would he have different teachers? 

Or maybe it was because of some of the "knowns". School involved a lot of fast moving language, with little or no time to process. And there were more transitions throughout the day- and transitions can be difficult and disruptive.

Whatever the reasons, thankfully, the end of summer seems a little less traumatic now. 

Still, we keep the tradition going. It feels a little nostalgic, plus it's a nice way to finish off the summer and makes this less-difficult transition just a little bit easier. 

Plus, we like ice cream.

Just Passing Through?

On each of the last few walks at the college, Sam and I have seen a few ducks swimming and feeding in the former duck pond. This must be the first time in years that any ducks have bothered to visit the place with any regularity. At least, I'm assuming it's the same ducks each time. It's hard for me to tell. 

I don't know how long it'll last but it's nice to see. Hopefully, they stick around. 

P.S...I still hate the plastic fence.

Today's Update

Pretty Flowers

I have no idea what's going on with Sam's disability review (mentioned here... and probably plenty of other places). As I probably mentioned in that post (I didn't bother to re-read it), this process of apparently having to prove that Sam is still disabled, began back in February. 

Since then, I've had one or two mailings and, very briefly, played phone tag with the person whose name is on the last letter. When I say "very briefly", I mean, I called her, got her voicemail and left a message. A week or so later, she called me back, got my voicemail and left a message. I called her back right away, got her voicemail, left a message and ... never heard from her again.

Since I have yet to hear a meaningful word from anybody (did I mention this whole thing started seven months ago?), I have, for the past couple of weeks, tried to get in touch with this person - or any person - to find out where things stand. But every time I call, I can't even get through to the useless voicemail. All I keep getting is a busy signal - and not even a full busy signal. It buzzes for all of about three and a half buzzes - then cuts out. 

Point made, I guess. 

Today I noticed a toll-free on the letterhead and so I tried calling it. Several times. Each time with the exact same results. Busy.

Apparently I'm not alone. I searched this outfit and there are a total of three reviews. Taken together, it averages out to a whopping One Star.

This isn't one of those situations where one person gives it high marks, one person gives it low marks and one person falls somewhere in the middle. This is one of those situations where all three people give it a one star review. 

(The most succinct review is from Carolyn C. who says, unsurprisingly, "Not even worth one star!!! Cant connect with ANYONE!!!")

I dread getting the "results" of this so-called "re-evaluation". If things stay true to form, there will be a problem. There's always a problem. And then what? Call?

I guess, unfortunately, we'll cross that bridge when we inevitably come to it.

All of which is to say, Today's Update is no update at all.

Nature Walks

With the unofficial end of summer upon us, here is a very small sampling of Sam stopping along our walks to use (mostly) his nature app (mentioned back here). In a few instances, the app gave him so much trouble, he resorted to taking photos instead.

As an added bonus, I've also thrown in a few photos I took (or tried to) of some of his subjects...

 

One of the many rabbets we see on our college walks. Kind of blurry (the photo, not the rabbet). Sorry.

***

This summer's high humidity and rainfall resulted in a bumper crop of wild mushrooms. Sam's Grandpa used to pick these and cook them when I was a kid. With my colorblindness, I don't trust myself to be able to tell the edible ones from the poisonous ones. The app won't clarify it for us... and I'm  pretty sure I wouldn't trust it if it did. We'll stick to buying wild mushrooms at the Farmer's Market.

***

A tree frog on the eyesore-of-a-plastic-fence at the College.

A different tree frog (I'm assuming) on the same eyesore-of-a-plastic-fence at the College.

***

This was going to be a photo of a ladybug but unfortunately, as is often the case, the app took too long to focus and the bug took off. We were not pleased -  with the app as well as the lack of cooperation by the ladybug.

 

We had better luck on a different day at a different location with a different ladybug (again, assuming).

***

These photos were taken just the other night. We're not sure what this alleged bird is because, once again, the app wouldn't focus and the bird got sick of waiting before finally taking off and heading downriver. Pretty sure he was mocking us the entire time.

***

 

 

The southern end of the canal is lined with an abundance of milkweeds and butterfly bush(es?) ("buddleia davidii", to their friends), so fortunately, this year at least, there have been a lot of Monarch Butterflies around. While those have been tough for us to get a good picture of, we've been lucky enough to spot several caterpillars...

... And along with the caterpillars, we've seen a number of their chrysalis (chrysalises? chrysali?). Haven't been lucky enough to have there when any of them opened. Yet. If this changes, we'll let you know.

***

According to Sam's app (one it finally focused), this is a 'Great Egret' - or possibly a regular Egret that just thinks he's great - which may be why he hung around long enough for his photo to finally get taken.

***

And here we have a photo of Sam trying to identify a very large toad. Jake had spotted this guy(?) in our driveway when he was home a few weeks back and he kindly turned his phone's light on it while Sam tried to get the app to focus on it - once again, with no luck. Anyway, it was a nice try - and a nice moment.

***

There you have it. Not quite a summer's worth (considering Sam just installed the app a few weeks ago) but a nice collection, and nice memories, just the same.