I brought Sam to something called a
Creative Movement and Dance session the other night. This is something that I found online, at a support agency I've gone to frequently for assistance in a lot of things relating to Sam.
This place has sent out flyers in the past, sometimes announcing seminars and occasionally offering something like a bowling night for people with disabilities or developmental needs.
These bowling nights have never seemed to work out for us - either we get the flyer late, or Sam has a conflict or, most often, when I present it to Sam, I get a response something like, “How about another time?”.
I don’t push it too hard on things that are supposed to be fun. I do, though, try to encourage the idea. And I also try to make it sound like, whatever it is, it’s going to be fun - even though I’m not too sure about it myself. I’m also not sure how convincing I am at this - considering almost all of these types of things, are things that I would have hated being roped into.
But since being a hypocrite apparently doesn’t seem to bother me a whole lot, I repeat this process with each new flyer that comes in the mail.
Lately, Sam’s been willing to entertain the possibility of meeting other people - at least when this is presented in the abstract. I think part of the problem is that he’s a little like me in that he wouldn’t mind meeting other people if, A) he could be guaranteed that he will only have to meet people that he likes, and B) that he could leave as soon as he’s had enough of them.
For point A - unfortunately he will still have to go through the excruciating process of separating the wheat from the chafe people-wise, but I think at least that the range of people that Sam might potentially like is going to be greater than it is for me. It pretty much has to be.
And as for point as for B, well, we’ll just have to take it one step at a time.
So anyway, Sam seems to be remotely receptive to the idea of meeting other people and he also seems to be somewhat interested in getting at least a little bit of exercise, so last week, when I saw this
Creative Movement and Dance thing on the website, it seemed like it might be a good fit for him.
I talked to Sam about it, presenting all of the highlights I could think of - and he seemed to be at least mildly interested, meaning his response was, “Well, maybe…” and not just, “How about another time?” I took this as an enthusiastic, “Yes”.
I told him that I would call and get more information, and if it sounded like something he was interested in doing, I would go and stay on the sidelines the whole time - if it made him more comfortable. I also told him that my only thing was, when we go, he would have to stay for the whole session, to give it a fair shot. He seem to be okay with all of this, as opposed to me who would never have let the conversation get even this far.
The next day, I called the number and I spoke to the woman who runs the sessions. I told her a little bit about Sam and got a little bit of information about the group. She said it was a very small group and that sometimes people come and other times they don’t. She also described some of the things they do, but said that everything they do is optional.
So far, so good.
I told her what I had told Sam, and that we weren't going to be registering at this time; that Sam was going to go so he could check it out and then think about it. She said all of that was fine, but her suggestion was that Sam give it at least two or three sessions to get a good feel for it, and then decide whether or not it was something he wanted to continue with.
When I got home that evening, I relayed all of this to Sam, again with the stipulation that I would stay if he wanted me to. Amazingly, Sam agreed to this. It kind of surprised me that it was that easy, especially after last year's experience.
At one point last year, I brought Sam to the YMCA to see about getting him involved in a program that they were offering at the time. Sam barely made it through the two hour “presentation”.
The first problem was that he didn’t like the smell of the place right from the time we came in. I pretended that I didn’t notice, but I didn’t like the smell, either. It had that overpowering smell of chlorine mixed with body sweat -- and not the good kind of body sweat. It reminded me a little too much of the humiliating swimming lessons I was subjected to in my misbegotten youth.
Another thing Sam didn’t like was the set-up. When we got to the room, I sat over against the wall, but Sam had to wear a name tag and sit around a large ring of tables with a lot of other people. When things got going, everyone had to take turns going around the table, telling a little something about themselves and talk about what it was they hoped to get out of the program. I think the only thing that Sam was looking to get out of the program, was actually getting out of the program.
But maybe the biggest thing that Sam didn’t like, was that the presentation was loud - and it all moved too fast. It wasn’t so much that the room was loud, but many of the people, individually, were loud. They talked loud and they talked fast - like over-caffeinated car dealers.
This was obviously not a good fit for Sam, and he let me know it. There were at least three times during the presentation where Sam looked over at me with a clear look of panic, and started to stand up while ripping off his name tag.
Sam needed time to process all of this stuff, but these people were gung-ho. Too gung-ho. They were overpowering for Sam and they were just the kind of team playing, go-getters that have always rubbed me the wrong way, too.
Sam lasted the night - barely, but I knew any interest he might have had, dissipated the moment he set foot in the door - and then went downhill from there.
With that experience behind us, I brought Sam over to the
Creative Movement and Dance place the other night. And like I had promised, I stayed with him. We got there just as the instructor showed up and I think it helped that there was nobody else there yet.
Sam helped the instructor put out some folding chairs and then she showed Sam around. She told him about what they typically do and she stressed again how the things they do are optional. I think hearing that again helped as well.
But I think what helped most of all is that unlike last year's experience, this instructor was measured and soft spoken.
After a few minutes, the others had arrived- only two others, as it turned out. One was a young woman, I'm guessing in her early twenties. And the other was a woman who is maybe just a few years younger than I am.
I sat on the sidelines as the four of them stepped into the middle of the room and formed a circle. Then, introductions were made. At first, Sam seemed to be a little bit nervous- almost as much as I was. Whenever Sam looked over, I offered a smile, just like before. But unlike before, this time he seemed to be looking for a little reassurance. There was no desperate look, like he was ready to bolt.
The group did some stretching, with each one taking turns being the lead, while the others mimicked them. About a half an hour into the seventy five minute session, Sam was looking over less and I was beginning to feel more like I might be a hindrance. I excused myself and told Sam that I would be right outside if he needed me.
I spent the next 45 minutes sitting out on the old rickety wooden steps that led up to where Sam was having the session. When it got to be the time for the session to end, an older woman came and made her way up these stairs and went into the building. She left with the older of the two women in the group, whom I’m guessing was her daughter. The younger woman left by herself.
I went in and got Sam and waited as he help put away the chairs. As we left, he told the instructor that he would see her again next week.
Walking down the old, wooden steps, Sam said, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought.” I asked him about what they did and I asked him if that meant he felt good about coming back next week. “Yeah. That might be a good idea,” he said. I don’t know how next week will go, or the week after - but Sam gave it a try without complaining, and he liked it, at least this one time. That puts him way ahead of me.
