Random Thoughts

I'm sitting here with a few minutes to breath, with some random comments about the last few days. The company I work(ed) for is going through it's death throes and I have been working through it with mixed and sometimes, no emotions. It's been seventeen or eighteen years since I last had to deal with this.

Over the last four or five years in particular, we have come excruciatingly close to death, usually to pull through at the last minute. I remember at one point, I think three years ago, I was convinced that this was it. It was over. I vividly remember being extremely worried if I was going to be able to get Jake through college or not. I had managed to do it (barely) for his sisters and it was looking doubtful that I would be able to do it for him. But that passed. The patient revived... somewhat, long enough at least to hobble a little further down the road. But like the pack mule that finally collapses- either from the weight of it's burden or from too may whippings, the ghost is finally given up.

The last few days have been dealing with cleaning up loose ends at work and after seventeen years, there are a lot of ends that are loose. I go home even more exhausted than I usually am. Last night I went to bed before 8:00, and that was after I kept falling asleep on the couch.

Seventeen years worth of belongings are boxed up. So far, it's been two or three boxes- decent size boxes, but still, just the two or three. I don't know whether to be surprised that it's taken so many boxes or so few.

Like abandoning a sinking ship, the first things that were saved were the women and children. In my case, when it comes to the children, we're talking about their artwork and photos. Once these had been successfully secured, it was time to sift through the remaining strata.

Next to go were the paintings off the walls. These belonged to Mom and Dad. These greeted me every day when I entered my office. And like so many things, you take their presence for granted until they're gone. One of these is too big to hang in my small house, except maybe on the stairs. I briefly toyed with doing this, but then I realized that Sam would know something was up, so instead, I'm storing them at Mom's.

The only things left are a rolled up poster, some potting soil, a jar of pickles and some minor odds and ends.

This feels so strange.