Today's Non-Post

Last week, I was writing what was turning into a long, and convoluted post. The more I wrote, the more I was straying off into all sorts of different directions - pretty much like usual. It got so bad that at one point, I decided that I should break it off into two separate posts - which I did. Or at least, I started to.

The entire thing was about Sam transitioning away from school and into the workforce. What was going to be "Post, Part One" had to do with a long ago meeting with the then local school system.

What was becoming "Post, Part Two" had to do with recent events and the challenges in making, or in trying to make, this transition happen as smoothly as possible. This is not exactly new and the entire time I was writing, I was thinking, Why am I even bothering to say all of this? Who Cares? But if I let something like that stop me, I would never write anything.

But the more I wrote and the more emotionally invested I became, I kept thinking, I think I may have written about this before.

This happens to me more and more frequently. Usually, this is because it has to do with an event that has made a profound impression on me - in this case, an early IEP meeting with the school. I begin to wonder, did I write about this, or is it just because I play it over and over in my head so much that I only think I wrote about it?

Other times, I think this might happen just because of my admittedly limited world experiences. And since I've been writing this blog now for about eight years (not counting a couple of early aborted attempts), well, I guess I'm bound to retread some old ground once in a while (or, a lot - as the case may be). That's what I tell myself, anyway.

Sure enough, it turns out that I had written about this meeting before. (If you're so inclined, you can read it here.) I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by doing a search of my posts before I began writing, but first of all, I'm loath to go back and reread my own writing - particular my older stuff (though this is certainly true of the newer stuff, as well). But, as I was writing, and as I was getting more and more heated, this gnawing suspicion became harder and harder to ignore.

And second of all, I think I needed to go through the exercise of writing about this meeting again - if only for my own sake (which, I guess, when it comes down to it, is why I bother to write anything). Even though this particular meeting was over fifteen years ago, it still bother me. But in the end, the lessons I learned from it were profoundly important in understanding some of what I was up against when it came to trying to get help for Sam.

As I reread the old post, I was a little relieved (if that's the right word for it) that my recollection of that long ago meeting is exactly the same now, as it was back when I wrote that post. It's bad enough to be retreading old ground, but to retread it with different recollections would be kind of... scary.

The other thing about that post, is it was written at a time when Sam was facing a significant transition in his life. And that's exactly why I was writing the post that I just finished.

We are at another threshold in Sam's life. This time, it's because we're at a point where, within the next six months, Sam's relationship with the school system will be coming to an end.

And I worry.

As I said back then, I worry about making the wrong decisions for him, and I worry about not doing him justice.

I guess some things will never change.