Grinding Gears

It’s hard to write when I don’t have the energy- either mental or otherwise. And when I do have the energy, it’s hard not to whine. Today though, I’m whining...

Boy, do things ever get to a point where they will just move forward?

After a winter of dealing with rodent issues and sewer issues (remind me to call the excavator again) and health issues, I’m continuing to deal with workforce transition issues for Sam, along with the lifelong SSI issues.

The problem with writing about this is that I don’t in any way want it to come off like helping Sam have a normal life is some kind of burden. Far from it. I’ve said more than once, including to Sam, that Sam is a blessing and I don’t know what my life would be like without him.

But geez, do the gears in this machine ever get to a point where they can turn on their own? Does it ever get to a point where I can sit back and rest for a little bit?

I don't know how other people do this. Maybe this is a thing where it looks easy to me, from the outside. Do other people think that the things in Sam's life just fall into place, effortlessly. I don't know.

Some of this bad attitude is fueled by bumps, of some unknown magnitude, in Sam's expanded role in the workforce. It's been a little rocky for him - though not as rocky as he's aware of.

I don't put any of this on him. He works hard, getting up at six a.m. every morning, and he goes to off to work everyday - and I've never heard even one complaint from him.

But as I said, it's an expanded role for him, meaning new tasks and longer days - and all of this is done under a new supervisor who is just getting up to speed, as well as with a new caseworker, who is also getting up to speed.

And I'm trying to get up to speed - in understanding what I can legitimately ask for, and what I should expect in the way of support for Sam. I've written more emails and had more conversations in the last couple of months than I ever expected to.

I guess I must have thought, at least unconsciously, that his transition would go smoother than it has.

On top of this, I continue on with SSI (yes, that SSI). I continue to report his pay every month and last month, apparently nobody got it. That's too bad because last month was also the month that I included a letter of change in his status - that he's no longer a student, that he is working a "new" position, which means more hours with the same rate of pay, the same employer, the same job description, etc.

Being a glutton for punishment, I called SSI to see why I never received what seems to be a monthly update from them. And that's when I was told that they never received my paperwork.

This has resulted in what is called a "Technical Re-determination". What is that? Well, apparently SSI needs to see if Sam still qualifies for support. I'm not quite sure why this is - it's not like Sam is any less autistic - and I'm not quite sure what exactly has triggered this. Maybe it's Sam's change in status - which I just told them about, since my paperwork vaporized.

Whatever the reason, the guy on the phone mentioned that this usually happens about every three years. (Sam's been receiving help for just over a year.) This is only Mystery Number One.

Mystery Number Two is how all of the takes place. Apparently, it begins with a phone interview. That much we know. Sam, naturally, has to be present as he is no longer a minor and the world therefore needs his permission before they can talk to me (which I guess is wise on their part). How much he needs to contribute, what gets discussed, what I need to have available for information - all of this is a part of Mystery Ball Number Two.

But the best part of Mystery Ball Number Two is wondering where it goes from there. Is that the end of it? The answer is a firm "Maybe" - followed up by a firm, "Maybe not". It could be the end of it. It could also mean having to go to SSI Headquarters - with a year's worth of receipts for everything under the sun - some of which might mean something, some of which likely will not. We'll see.

We'll see.

The bottom line is (literally), the gears continue to turn, though with more effort that I would like - and it would be nice if they would turn without making that annoying whining sound.