How I Spend My Time - Part II (2020 Edition)

Sam gets a little financial assistance every month from SSI. The amount he gets varies from month to month depending on how much he earned at his job two months earlier. At the beginning of every following month, I need to report his wages for the month before. Sometimes the amount is a little, sometimes it's even less than a little. Once in a while, it may be nothing at all.

In the month of November, because of the way the weeks fell, Sam had an extra payday. This meant that Sam brought home more money than he normally would have. I want to stress, we're not talking anywhere near big bucks. I'm not even sure we're talking little bucks, but that's irrelevant. All that matters is, it was more.

What this meant was, come the month of January, because of the big bucks he made in November, he shouldn't be receiving any assistance at all.

For some unknown reason, last Tuesday, I went online and I checked the balance in Sam’s account. Lo and behold, there had been a deposit made from SSI on that very day. I couldn't figure out what this was all about.

First of all, he shouldn't have been getting anything that month. And second of all, anytime he has received any assistance, it has always been received on the first of the month (unless the first of the month were a holiday. If it was a holiday, then it would have been the first business day, the day before.) This deposit was made on the seventh. This didn't make any sense. Not only that, the dollar amount didn't match up with any of the admittedly vaguely-accurate records I keep. It didn't match up with anything.

So the next day, Wednesday, I called SSI - which as you may or may not know, is easier said than done. First of all, you have to get through the detailed menu before you can even get to the recorded announcement. The announcement tells you that, due to the heavy call volume (or something), there is a wait time of "up to fifteen minutes". I used to believe that this meant that you might wait as long as fifteen minutes. I have long since found that this message has no bearing on reality.

If you're not cut off immediately, you then get put on hold, where you're entertained by scratchy, zero-fidelity "music", which I think is being played off of an old 75 rpm Victrola. To break up the monotony, they keep interrupting about every forty-five seconds, or so, with a recording offering helpful advice, such as saying that you might be better off going on their website. (Tip: you won't be.).

To make it even more exciting, each time, right before this announcement, there's a ringing of the phone that kicks in, leading you to (foolishly) think that someone might be picking up the call. Generally speaking, they won't be. All of this, I believe, is designed to weed out the weak (of which, I am one - so it's not working). Often, after somewhere around twenty plus minutes, a new recording kicks in and tells you to try again later - then you get cut off.

I went through this a few times on Wednesday before I was finally able to connect to a living person. After the living person took all of my and Sam's personal information, I explained the situation to this living person and said that I was pretty sure that the money that got deposited, wasn't Sam's. I even explained my so-called logic.

(As an aside, feel free to assume that this was highly honest and noble of me - even though you would be wrong. Very wrong. The reality is, I know this would catch up with me at some point, and as screwed as I might be right now, I'm sure they could, and would, screw me over even worse later on.)

So the living person eventually looked at the last few months of reporting and she couldn't quite figure it out either. Ultimately, she decided that yes, I probably need to pay it back and said that I would be receiving paperwork in the next couple of weeks. In hindsight, this may or may not have been to shut me up.

Anyway, that was that. Problem solved.

The next day, Thursday, I came home from work a little early and there, on the dining room table, was a mailing from SSI. I knew this couldn't have anything to do with the phone call from the day before. Nobody, certainly not SSI, moves this quickly.

I figured this was no big deal, probably just a typical monthly notification about Sam's pay. Wrong. Well, not entirely. Technically it was an adjustment to Sam's pay - but not the usual acknowledgment of what I had reported earlier.

According to this mailing, Sam had been overpaid not only in November, but also in December - and by a fairly substantial amount - and this mailing essentially said, "Pay Up". (The "or else" was implied.)

Since there was still about an hour and a half before the SSI office closed, I attempted to make another phone call to get this obviously mistaken notification straightened out.

I can't remember whether it was two or if it was three times of dealing with the typical "on hold" routine, but eventually, after about about forty-five minutes and however many tries, I was finally connected to someone.

Like the day before, this living person took all my information and then asked why I was calling. Also like yesterday, I explained the situation and how it obviously had to be a mistake - their mistake. She dutifully listened and then asked if she could put me on hold for a minute. "Sure." I said... and the phone went to (almost) dead air. I listened for maybe another minute and a half or so (in addition to the aforementioned forty-five minutes of trying to get through), and then I heard a very faint sound, not unlike a spring going "boing" - and after that - nothing.

Was I cut off? I couldn't tell. I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

Nothing. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking down closer to the end of their day. Soon, all the SSI employees would be heading out to the bar, to tell  stories and laugh at all of the people that got cut off today. (Note: if you work for SSI, just kidding.)

I stayed on the phone a little longer, just in case the obvious hadn't just happened, but since I was on the house phone, I decided to also call back on my cell phone. Once again, I was met with the menu. Once again, I was left listening to the scratchy music.

Finally, FINALLY, with about twenty minutes left before their office closed, I connected to some gentleman (I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) who spoke with a heavy accent. In my now heightened state of panic and with my not-great hearing, combined with the few remaining minutes to get this addressed before having to go through this all over again, probably tomorrow, for a third day in a row - I may have begun talking a little loudly.

Alleged Gentleman once again took all of my information and I once again explained the problem - their problem and after looking at what he felt were the facts, he proceed to explain to me, or rather, attempted to explain to me,  why, according to their super-secret rule #185, I was wrong, and they were right and I owed this money back.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I kept asking him to explain the logic of this, trying to get it to sink in. I won't get into a lot of detail (mostly because I don't understand it all) but let's just say that, a) both our voices were getting louder and louder and I was being called "sir" a lot, and b) if I understand it correctly, super-secret rule #185 involves a chicken sitting in a barn on an odd numbered Tuesday.

After several heated moments (because that was all the time we had left) it was decided that neither I, nor the mailing, were completely correct. The mailing was only partially correct in that I only owe a portion of that money back - the more substantial part, naturally. The other portion, apparently, I do not owe (unless he was just saying this so he could get off the phone and get to the bar).

What about the chunk of money I called about the day before, the money I originally thought was incorrectly deposited in Sam's account? According to Alleged Gentleman, there doesn't seem to be any answer to this. Why was this? Was this wiped out because of my conversation with the woman the day before - or am I somehow going to be thrown in jail for not responding properly to this mystery money. Who knows? If so, this is looking like a pretty appealing option.

Alleged Gentleman said that I could either pay for only the portion I owe right now, and ignore the remainder - or I could wait for revised paperwork to show up and then pay the amount I owe at that time. (I can't remember what it is, but there's a term for a situation, where you have to choose between two awful possibilities. Whatever it is, it applies to this.)

I know if I pay the money now, but not in full (at least according to the current paperwork), it will be a problem. If I wait for the other alleged paperwork to show up, and then pay it, I am trusting that somebody will remember to actually send that alleged paperwork and that it might be accurate.

Which is worse, I don't know - but I decided to hold some kind of faith that the forthcoming paperwork will be something more than alleged - and that it will hopefully be accurate.

I can almost guarantee that this is the wrong decision - mostly because this is the decision I've made.