I went in for an MRI yesterday. (Nothing serious. I think my doctor just needed to make a boat payment). The MRI itself was no big deal. The worst thing about the entire experience was that beforehand, I had to put on one of those open-in-the-back hospital gowns.
First of all, those gowns are impossible to tie. There's one pair of ties at the back of the neck. That I know for sure. But there's one, possibly two more pairs of ties somewhere lower down. Getting a hold of one of the lower ties isn't a problem. The problem is trying to tie it to it's partner.
I'm blindly reaching down behind me, trying to grab anything that's loose. Have I grabbed the right tie? Why does it feel like the other tie is on the same side of the gown as the first tie? I'm turning around in circles trying to get these things to meet up. There's a big mirror there, but that's no help. There's no way to see behind me. It's like trying to tie your shoes behind your back. I don't think I ever got it tied right.
To make the experience even worse, after you manage to sort-of get the gown tied (at the top only, with any confidence), they march you down not one, but two hallways - all the while, clutching the back of the gown in a vain attempt to hold the gown closed. The only thing more humiliating would have been if they made me carry a balloon.
But the worst thing about those gowns is that you have to get dressed (and undressed) in a tiny little booth-sized room, with nothing in there but a small wooden locker, a rock-hard wood bench and worst of all, a full length mirror. I don't like looking at myself under the best of conditions (which implies there ever are any 'best of conditions') and I certainly don't like to look at myself stuffed into a hospital gown, looking like I'm about to get wheeled down to the maternity ward.
I was thankful it was Saturday which meant that there was hardly anyone else there. And the people that were there were nice. At least they didn't laugh at me - not until I left, anyway.
2 comments:
Asking patients to carry a balloon is a fabulous idea.
I wish I had thought of it when I was still practicing, so that staff could prioritise patients according to urgency.
For example:
Red Balloon: Patient bleeding out in the waiting room.
Orange Baloon: Patient in early third stage labour in the waiting room.
Yellow Balloon: Patient's penis stuck in a water pipe union.
Brown Balloon: Patient back third time this week with a scrotal rash.
Purple Balloon: Pateint wants a medical certificate ( Buffaloes v. NY Jets on TV)
Green balloon: Patient wants a medical cerificate for work (Neighbour's husband away interstate)
Don't forget white - for complete surrender.
Although, being marched down a hall in a barely tied robe while holding a balloon, maybe that would be redundant.
Post a Comment